Things Left Unsaid
by KatieGirl901
Summary: After a suggestion from Grace, Gibbs decides to get some things off his chest, things that he should have said ten years ago before it was too late. Spoilers for seasons five through fourteen so be warned.


NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs looked down at the blank piece of paper in front of him and then shifted his gaze over to the two other pieces of paper on the table, both beginning with Dear Jethro. It had been almost ten years since the day she had taken her last breath, ten years since he had watched them lower her into the ground and she still managed to have a hold over him. She had written him two letters, one complete and one just started, now it was his turn, after the events of the last ten years, it was time for him to write her a letter, time to let her go. He reached forward and picked up his glass of bourbon, not in a mason jar this time but in a crystal glass, one of two he had taken from her town house before they had burned it down. He took a sip and placed it down on the table before picking up his pencil.

 _Jen,_

 _It's been ten years, ten long years._ He began, _I can hear you laughing at me for writing this right now, it wasn't my idea. Dr. Grace Confalone, my shrink suggested it, yeah my shrink._ He added, imagining her face if she could know that he was going to a therapist. _So much has happened and changed since the day you left us for the last time, I don't even know where to start._

 _Ziva left Mossad and her father and became an American citizen and an Agent, you would've been so proud of her if you could've seen her. She almost got married, it didn't work out. Her father and Vance's wife Jackie were killed in a shooting, it almost broke Ziva when he died, she stayed on the team for another couple of years before going back to Israel. Tony followed her back, they have a little girl, Tali Jennifer David-DiNozzo… Ziva… She was killed last year Jen._

 _Tony left the team to take care of Tali, he took her to Israel so she could know where her mother grew up. You'd be proud of Tony, Jen, I know I am. He's a good father, I know things weren't always easy for the two of you but you need to know that he forgave you for everything. He saw Jeanne a few years ago, she's married now, things weren't easy for them but I think they worked it out as well as they could. Tony worked things out with his dad, they're pretty close now. He grew up when you died Jen, he had to, but he did good._

 _Tim got married last week, him and his wife are expecting a baby, you'd be so proud of him, he's my second now, took over for Tony. He's a good agent and a good husband, he'll be a good father, he and Abbs are still inseparable, she's excited to be an aunt._

 _Abby misses you, she's still keeping as busy as ever with the nuns, habitat for humanity, work and whatever else it is she does. She found out she was adopted about four years ago, she has another brother, Kyle, he's a nice kid, a lot like Abbs. She had a hard time after you were gone, it was like losing another mother for her. She's done some really amazing things in the last ten years but you knew that she would._

 _Palmer got married about six years ago now, has a little girl, Victoria Elizabeth Palmer, we were all there when she was born. He's a doctor now, took over when Duck had his heart attack six years ago, he's still working with him now, don't know what Duck would do without him._

 _Ducky is the same as ever, misses you, loves being a grandfather and talks about Victoria as often as we'll let him, he still keeps an eye on everyone, makes sure we're all taken care of now that you're not around._

 _Leon Vance took over for you, he's good as a director, he's made his way into our family, he and Abbs play poker and he and the boys have gone for motor cycle rides together._

 _Guess I should probably tell you what I've been up to, I've seen a couple of people since you've been gone, you'll be pleased to know that not even one was a redhead. I can't replace you, I know that now and I can't replace Shannon either, it was time to stop trying. I want you to know you were never a replacement, the red hair may have been a similarity but I fell in love with you because of who you were, I should've been there more for you. None of the women I've seen since you have stayed around for very long, I guess you're right I really am an insufferable bastard, oh well. Ziva once asked me if I was lonely, and the answer I gave her was that you're never alone when you have kids and I owe that to you Jen._

 _After Shan and Kel died I was afraid to love again, I didn't want to get hurt, couldn't lose someone else but somehow you wormed your way in twenty years ago and made me fall for you. You showed me how to love again, so you may not have given me my kids biologically but it's because of you that I have a family, that I have four kids and a granddaughter that I love. It took me awhile but I know now why you died, it took Mike some time to get it through my thick skull that you died so that I could have my family again. You made sure that we had a way to keep going after you were gone, you didn't waste away in a hospital and I'm glad for that, I know you would've hated dying that way. You made sure we had Deckers insurance policy to fall back on and trust me we did, you died protecting me and I never got a chance to thank you for that, when I learned why you died I was pissed, it should've been me not you but then Ducky told me you were sick._

 _I wish you had told me but I understand why you didn't, we would've been there, we could have helped. I wish you hadn't died alone that I could've held your hand or been there at least. More than anything I wish you were still here, I wish you could've seen Tim get married, saw Tony and Ziva's daughter, our granddaughter, I know you didn't believe it but they saw you as a mother, for most of them you were the only mother they really had. I remember you telling me that you never wanted kids because you were afraid you'd be like your mother but you were a good mom Jen. You did what every mother should, you protected your children right up until your last breath, you died saving them. The one thing I take comfort in is that I know you're there with Ziva now, taking care of our warrior._

 _I sometimes wonder if I would have done things differently knowing what I know now, but if you hadn't left in Paris, if I had gone after you, you wouldn't have met Ziva and I probably wouldn't have taken Tony on. I wouldn't have had Tony, Ziva and Tali in my life and I wouldn't give them up for anything. I wish that we could've made things work when you came back but no matter what we were friends and partners up until the end. We had good days, bad days and downright terrible days but in the end we were always a team, no matter how we felt we always had each others sixes and that counts for a hell of a lot._

 _It's been ten years since you left for the last time and in those ten years a lot has happened but I have never once stopped loving you, even if our last year as partners was a rough one you still gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, you gave me a family Jen and for that I will always love you. I moved on after you died but I never forgot you, never forgot your smile, your laugh, the way you would goof off with our girls in your office, the way you would sit at McGee's desk and chat with him and Tony, the long talks over tea you and Duck used to have. I never forgot the young smart ass who walked into my life twenty years ago and turned it all around, the woman who showed me how to love again, how to not only survive a loss but how to live again after it and it was because of that ironically enough that I didn't fall apart after your death I stood up, brushed off my hands and plowed forward. So thank you Jennifer Shepard, thank you for loving me even though I was, still am, an insufferable bastard, for my family and for giving me back my life._

 _Love always,_

 _Jethro_

He blinked several times trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall as he thought about her, her vibrant red hair, her flashing green eyes, her sharp wit and even sharper tongue, the way she could make him smile like no one else could. He put the pencil down and leaned forward letting his head rest in his hands and for the first time in years he let himself feel loss over not only her death but Ziva's and Shannon's and Kelly's, over all of the women he had loved and lost in his life. He let a few tears slip past and slide wordlessly down his face as he let the memories wash over him.

 _I love you Daddy!_

 _I learned to speak Gibbs a long time ago..._

 _Come back safe, we love you Jethro!_

 _Paris..._

 _The closest thing I have to a father…_

 _I did learn to say no Jethro, or have you forgotten?_

 _My father taught me._

 _It's okay Daddy, you can go back._

 _Get your mind out of the bedroom!_

 _At one time I would have invited you to stay and I wouldn't have taken no for an answer…_

 _One gets over the loss of a wallet or a watch but a loved one, they never really leave you._

He smiled to himself as he remembered Ziva's words, they may be gone but they would never leave him.

 **Hope you all enjoyed, remember unfortunately I own nothing or Jen and Ziva would still be alive and well... Gibbs may seem a bit OOC in this but I think since he got hurt in season twelve he's been a lot more open and I also think that there was a lot left unsaid when Jenny died and I wanted to play around with that a bit. In his mind no one but him will ever read this letter so he can say whatever he couldn't when she was still alive.**

 **~Katie**


End file.
